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Joke of the Day

"The Lesbian couple next door... got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood me when I said ""I wanna watch."""

"Why doesn't George R. R. Martin use Twitter? He killed all 140 characters."

"OP's sex life."

"Waiter waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?"

"Leaving a warm bed on a cold morning is my personal hell."

"What are terrorists taught in math class? Jihadmetry. What do they learn about? ISISciles triangles."

"Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I'd be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit."

"So there's this new music attraction at SeaWorld featuring some guy they call Squid Barrett. They refer to themselves as Ink Floyd."

"There's plenty of jobs in the porn industry when you have a dick like mine. Camera man, light and sound technician."

"I used to be an adventurer until I took a knee to the arrow"