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Joke of the Day

"He'd probably stop sending me ""good morning, beautiful"" texts if he saw how many chins pop out when I look down to read it."

"Alright Ralphs, here's the deal: you replace people with automated cashiers, I replace paying with stealing produce."

"What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant."

"friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine"

"[at my house after 1st date] me: so, do you wanna have some sex? her: well, I don't normally do this...but I think I'll pass"

"Survey says According to a new study by the CDC, women are more likely than men to experiment with same-sex partners. Said men, ""What channel is CDC?"""

"You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I'm gonna start performing an exorcism."

"What do you call an undetectable black man? Incognegro I'll see myself out"

"What happened to the frog that broke down? It got toad away."

"listen here best buy employee, the constitution says I'm entitled to the pursuit of happiness, so i am taking this will smith dvd ok?"