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Joke of the Day

"s/o to parallel lines for keeping that shit platonic and never crossing. they keep a healthy professional work ethic"

"[sits son down after he didn't win science fair] son, tomorrow some will call me ""hero"" others will call me ""guy who fought a teacher"""

"People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why."

"This is the story of a man named Jack. Jack was, well lets just say he was a repairman. One day while repairing the shingles on a rooftop, Jack got stuck. Will you help Jack off?"

"What's a Latin professor's favorite song? Hit the quam"

"Sometimes I'll just eat a plain piece of bread for dinner, to you it might seem like a snack... but to me it's a wholemeal."

"What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem."

"What did the retail employee say to the young gang member in the fitting room? You dont fit in the hood kid."

"Girls don't dress for boys, they dress for themselves. If girls dressed for boys, they'd just walk around naked all the time"

"what did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet"