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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are in an oven One turns to the other and says ""So how are we going to get out of here?"" The other screams ""GAH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg... That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!"

"That time in 1997 you found out Chris Rock & Chris Tucker are 2 different people & realized you're racist. #thatwasawkward"

"What's Wayne Static's relationship with drugs? [**I SEE IT!** ooooohh **I NEED IT!**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps0MfBG5-Uo#t=1m24s)"

"If your victim freaks out when you pull a knife, politely sheath your blade and change the subject."

"Nothing says ""I've made poor life decisions"" like a couch in your front yard."

"A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""We've got a drink named after you."" The grasshopper says: ""You've got a drink named Steve?"""

"Please spread my ashes over the breakroom at work. That way Sherry from accounting can bitch about cleaning up my messes forever."

"After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyways."

"People who email you Spam...Email them Porn! Problem solved "