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Joke of the Day

"Traffic stop A cop stops a car and asks the man inside, ""Excuse me, sir, have you been drinking?"" The guy replies, ""Why? Is there an ugly chick next to me?"""

"Some asshole just clogged my toilet"

"Whats the difference between an irish wake and an irish wedding??? One less drunk"

"I never close my eyes in the shower because that's how murderers know when to show up and kill you."

"How did the Haji find the goat in the tall grass? Satisfying"

"What would batman do if he wasn't rich? He would be robin."

"""I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT SOUNDS GROSS THAT'S WHAT WE'RE CALLING IT"" - Guy who named the sweater."

"I got mugged last night! My assailants made off with everything from my shoes to my mood ring... I still don't know how I feel about that."

"When one door closes another one opens. ... Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work...!!"

"How strange... Last night my flatmate only popped out for milk wearing no make up and instead came back with 4 packets of Haribo, 4 fun size Snickers and a 'Best Costume' trophy."