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Joke of the Day
"What's Michael J. Fox's favorite drink? a milkshake"
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"How do you spot a dwarf in a drugstore? He's the smallest one"
"I'm not saying your cat doesn't care about you, I'm saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well"
"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Get in the Batmobile Robin."""
"My weather forecast is always ""room temperature."""
"I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first"
"Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One."
"Facing charges for attacking a man on New Years Eve.. Well, excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten."
"Don't invest in SeaWorld It's really starting to tank"
"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippy? Because he was too far out... (dude)."