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Joke of the Day

"What's Michael J. Fox's favorite drink? a milkshake"

"What key won't let you through any doors? A turkey."

"Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find? Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes."

"Did you hear bout the new iphone with professional camera? Its called the eyephone."

"With the concerns over water quality at the upcoming Rio Olympic games, I think we should ask, what would Jesus do? Walk on water, he ain't swimming in that filth."

"Why was old Bilbo's body found with a massive erection? Because old hobbits die hard."

"My uncle is an idiot. He saw a commercial that said, ""9 out of 10 accidents happen within a mile of your home."" So he up and moved"

"Practicing for my audition tape for ""MTV True Life: Let's go huff some fucking glue"""

"Fun game: if someone wants to shake your hand, sniff your fingers first and then see if they still want to."

"I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a ""small coffee flavored coffee"" in Starbucks."