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Joke of the Day

"You shouldn't call short people ""midgets"". It isn't the right gnomenclature."

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face..."

"I was watching porn when an ad popped up. It said, ""Want a bigger penis??"" I thought, ""Yes. That's why I'm watching porn."""

"Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro."

"A tourist asks a Scottish villager ""Do you have a local attraction?"" ""We used to- he answers- but she got married."""

"I wonder if stereotypically romantic Spanish characters...talk in pauses...because they learned...how to speak English...by watching...the subtitles...of romantic movies."

"As an actor, I find some recent commercials offensive. Actors are real people too!"

"Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead"

"Sure I'll eat square slices of pizza, but I'm thinking of triangular ones the whole time."

"Why is the twin towers and gender the same. There used to be two of them but now it's to offensive to talk about."