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Joke of the Day

"The fact that there is a highway to hell and a stairway to heaven says a lot about the anticipated traffic load."

"Husband: So we've basically given up. Me: On what? H: *gestures to 4yo carefully piling spaghetti on his head*: Parenting."

"Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No but she sure could climb trees well!"

"[in the insect dissection room] Your fly is open."

"I'm not one to brag about my financial skills, but my credit card company calls me almost every day to tell me my balance is outstanding. ~ Rob DenBleyker (Cyanide & Happiness)"

"GF: You cant keep it. ME: But- G: Its a BEE. M: HES my FRIEND! G: Hand him over. M: No! [tearing up] I wont let you hurt Albuzz Bumbledore!"

"A bomb goes off at Reddit Wow, this blew up!"

"Where do Muslims go after they die? Everywhere"

"What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues. Credit: Curious: The Tourist's Guide"

"I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. ""I'm not a clown!"" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest."