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Joke of the Day

"My roommate claims I'm schizophrenic. Jokes on him. I don't have a roommate."

"Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie."

"Choosing between Hillary and Trump is like having to fart really bad while sitting between Scarlett Johansson and The Pope. I don't know which way to lean."

"Last time I did drugs I dated an All-In-One Printer for 3 days, so no thank you."

"Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming."

"If sex is a pain in the ass ... Then you're doing it wrong."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. jk, rolling."

"A man flashed three old women in the park. The first two women each had a stroke! The third woman tried, but she couldn't reach because her arms were too short."

"The West Coast is so last year"

"Apple invented a new app, Asians love it. Introducing the iOpener."