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Joke of the Day

"What do pirates and pimps have in common? They both say ""YO HO!"" and walk with a limp."

"People that say ""The worst kind of cut is a paper cut"" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before."

"Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to hop into them. I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too"

"I don't know what the thickness limit on the office laminator is, but I'm sure as fuck not stopping until I have a waterproof cat."

"I wish I could erase my memory of certain movies so I could watch them again for the first time."

"Just bought a white pool stick... Now, I shoot better then the rest of my school."

"People say, ""You have to work on a marriage."" I say, ""No thank you. I already have a job"

"If you ever feel lonely... just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore."

"What's the best part about five year olds? They're hands make your cock look huge"

"As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long."