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Joke of the Day

"Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four? Me: i have no idea what he's for"

"Who was the marketing genius who decided to call killer whales ""killer whales"" instead of ""sea pandas""???"

"I just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon. I expect that'll come back to bite me."

"Selling a french WW2 rifle Never fired, only dropped once."

"How do you know if an introvert likes you? He looks at your shoes instead of his"

"How do landscapers keep their seams from ripping? Well let me tell you; They don't beat around the bush! They nip it in the bud and use Hem-Lock!"

"Do dogs know about light switches? Or do they think we all just have personalities that literally light up a room?"

"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."

"if i had a dollar for every time i had sex i'd be homeless"

"What do you say to comfort the grammar nazi? There, their, they're..."