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Joke of the Day

"The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it."

"What would you call an uprising at Charles Xavier's school? A mutant-y"

"After sex I always get out my phone and order my wife a dozen roses. My girlfriend thinks I'm hilarious."

"In a recent football game, a player sustained injuries, and the manager was fired after sending on the wrong player to replace him. Whoops, wrong sub."

"[court] ME: Between 10 & 11 p.m. I was having sex JUDGE: Who are you? You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record"

"The only people who received awards for African American Achievement at my brother's 5th grade graduation were black. Fucking racism."

"Did you hear about the wave of arrests of Mexican immigrants for theft and rape? Many suspect that the charges are *trumped* up."

"If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland."

"When you get to jail, challenge the biggest, baddest guy in there to rock, paper, scissors in front of all his friends"

"Hey! I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my tarifa por 2 horas, so pay me maybe."