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Joke of the Day

"My wife felt guilty I found her using a vibrator. She said she was denying me my pleasure. She's using the batteries from the remote"

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup."

"I got arrested the other day for stealing full stops. I'm looking at a long sentence."

"What's the difference between a gun and a wife? You can silence a gun."

"5-year-old: I'll stop asking you to take our family to Disneyland Me: You finally understand we can't afford it 5: You should just send me"

"What do you call a fat cow..? Your mum"

"Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C."

"My horse was way more aggressive than usual today it threw me off"

"My wife has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh ... ... and if you hold your ear against it, you can smell the sea."