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Joke of the Day

"What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits the windshield? His ass."

"NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?"

"VALENTINE'S DAY PLAN: Go to the homes of all couples who Instagram pictures of fancy restaurants and rob them while they're eating dinner."

"What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi? Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry."

"The owner of the Regal movie theatre chain has died. Services will be held Tuesday at 1:00, 4:15, 7:30 & 10:30."

"Two blondes walk into a building... you'd think at least one of them would have seen it."

"Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don't C#"

"Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I've gotta go find my clothes."

"Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow? A: By the wise look in the eyes."

"After watching a strongman competition... it amazed me to see how much the human body can lift without pooing itself."