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Joke of the Day

"The anti pick-up line. ""Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"" I'd love to hear some of yours."

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"The Welsh were among the first to use sheep intestines as condoms.... The English perfected them by removing them from the sheep before using."
"[on a date with a teacher] Me: your eyes are beautiful Her: yours too Me:*leans in, whispers* can i kiss you Her: i don't know CAN YOU"
"me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot"
"If Trump and Hillary were stranded on a boat, who would survive?? America."
"I was going to post a joke on reddot But then I git high"
"""holy shit. i don't have much time left to live. better sit on as many benches as i can before i die.""-old people."
"A psychic sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building... He says ""You're about to jump from Empire State Building tomorrow."""
"I had another server go down on me at work. It's just how I interview waiting staff."
"I just started watching a documentary about Abu Hamza... I'm hooked!"