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Joke of the Day
"I told my psychiatrist I'm thinking about suicide He told me from now on I have to pay in advance."
Next Joke
"The Hotness Scale I went out on a date with a chick the other night. Looks-wise, she was a five, but with her low self esteem, she was a solid seven."
"[house being raided] [swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]"
"What's not 50% off today? Health insurance"
"What do a Professional Fifa Player and a Rapist have in common? They're both going to score, even if you don't want them to."
"Forrest Gump What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password ? 1forrest1"
"My hair is beautiful.* *Conditioner applied."
"Hi, I'm a zombie, can I eat you out?"
"The flat earth movement is really taking off.. There are flat earthers all around the globe"
"My favorite part of The Bachelor is when a crazy emotional girl starts crying and he'd rather kiss her snot-nosed face than listen to her."