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Joke of the Day

"The best part of having a prostitute die on you is the second hour is free!"

"So I heard Lena Dunham has a new show coming out... It's called Sister, Sister."

"What do people with huge penises eat for breakfast? Well, I had toast. EDIT: me and /u/Nekovivie weren't expecting you to know. cuz^you^have^a^small^dick"

"Wife: Are you coming or not? Me: Is there gonna be alcohol? Wife: It's your grandmother's funeral! M:... Wife: NO! Me: Then I'm not coming."

"What is a tick's favorite fruit? Lime."

"The other day, I was looking through my socks, when I found one had a hole in it... ""darn it..."" I muttered."

"If you get raped... Then at least you know there is someone in the world who wants you."

"Hey other men: I'm tweeting this from your mom's phone. The implication being that she's sexually promiscuous: a big insult in our culture."

"I asked my dad what he thinks of Nihilism... He said, ""Does it matter?"""