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Joke of the Day

"Woman runs into a police station shouting, ""Help! I've been graped!"" Policeman responds with, ""Don't you mean RAPED?"" Woman replies, ""No - there was a whole bunch of 'em!"""

"How many Mexicans does it take to... ...Oh shit, they're done"

"at the grampys, about to anounce who won the grampy award. open envelope. its grandpa!!! you did it congratulations"

"My friend overheard me saying I could go for some malt liquor. Instead, the bastard got me a box of Whoppers. ""What the hell is this?!"" I said. ""Suck on them. Now, you're a *malt licker*!"""

"My self esteem is so low.... The other night my hand told me that it had a headache."

"CAPT. AMERICA: Merry Christmas, Hulk! Happy Hanukkah, The Thing! Er... what religion are you, Thor? THOR: Do you understand I'm an actual god"

"There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are. You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."

"to all the people in Australia o"

"Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?"

"I woke up one day and your name just didn't make me smile anymore."