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Joke of the Day

"Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me"

"What's a four letter word describing a female that ends in -unt? Aunt"

"Why is post college life so easy for Lannisters? Because a Lannister always pays his debts."

"I ask myself, what city has the most feminists? Manhatin'"

"If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian... .... then soviet."

"I told her she has the most beautiful eyes and she started screaming... Apparently she doesn't like to be woken up by total strangers."

"Needed one cotton ball. Two were left. Took both so one wouldn't feel lonely. I also have strong feelings about the last two pudding cups."

"I don't get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them."

"What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight"

"What do you call the ghost of a detective? An inspectre."