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Joke of the Day

"ayo girl are you an unanswered email? bc you are stressing me tf out"

"What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!"

"What's the difference between a banana and a helicopter? You can helicopter your banana but you can't banana your helicopter"

"Parents, talk to your kids about grammar. Forget drugs and sex, they'll learn that shit on the streets."

"A man and his friend are having a conversation Man: When I was born, I was given the choice to either have a really good memory or a big dick Friend: Which one did you pick? Man: I don't remember"

"What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme."

"When people post statuses like ""Don't text or call me! Bad mood!"" Um, no one was ever going text/call you in the first place. Just saying'"

"my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him."

"Once upon a time, I used to worry that people would think I'm weird. These days I'm genuinely surprised when they don't. "

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'"