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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you today's date? Because you're 10/10 I know we've been doing anti-joke pick up lines but this only comes once a year."

Next Joke
 
"INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING."
"I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees."
"Being a father completely changed me. I'm one of those motherfuckers now."
"Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: ""Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."""
"What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops at three Ho's"
"Mummy! Mummy! Have you seen my Cabbage Patch Doll? Be quiet and finish your coleslaw!"
"So I heard they've discontinued the Xbox 360... I guess it's an ex-box now."
"Well well well if it isn't my old nemesis, long division."
"Nerdy Joke. What are two females doing after a threesome? Load-balancing. Badum-tsss."