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Joke of the Day

"Just realized that my spirit animal is Winnie the Pooh. Two words: No pants."

"If you pluck a hair out of Hitler's head... ...do you now have a root of all evil?"

"Q: What happens when a professor teaches for a decade? A: He gets Tenyear."

"How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb? None! The room's been dark ever since Jose got deported!"

"The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It's like he doesn't realize I'm married."

"I went out for a pelican curry last night.... It was really nice, but the bill was enormous!"

"How did they name Canada? They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh."

"We had a nice, quiet dinner last night... Except for the Celery, of course!"

"Farts are like kids. You love yours, but other people's are unbearable."

"Bring your nsfw jokes. You down? Anything that makes parents cry when their kids say it."