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Joke of the Day

"Why do lesbians hate Nutella? Because it's not nut-free"

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"I will not rest until I've finished this nap!"

"Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine? You have to use a rope."

"Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?"

"what did the infant cannibal think of the premature section of the nursing ward it was a preemie-yum buffet"

"What does an alcoholic ghost drink? BOO'S."

"What's faster, the speed of thought or the speed of light? Neither, it's diarrhea. Before you could think about it or even turn the lights on, you've already shat yourself."

"I'm the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I'm dressed as a bean bag."

"You know who the real winner is today? The guy who sells ""I voted"" stickers."