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Joke of the Day

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? Dubai don't broadcast the Flintstones but AbuDhabidooooooooo"

"Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine? He knew better than to drink and derive."

"Why did the trout go to med school? Mounting pressure from his friends and family"

"How do you make a dog float? Take two scoops of ice cream a couple of squirts of soda and a small dog."

"My mom asked for my Netflix password... she better not be trying to chill"

"What's do pot and pusssy have in common? You can tell the quality if you can smell it across the room."

"Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields"

"What is the definition of stalking? When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it"

"Did you know that if you put your finger on your nose there is a 99% chance... That your finger is gonna be on your nose... What were you expecting to find?"