74173

Joke of the Day

"Everyone is misunderstanding me... I just don't know why. I keep telling them I got an East Infection. (better said verbally)"

"What's the smartest piece of lab equipment? A graduated cylinder."

"How can you double your money? Look at it in a mirror."

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"How do you stop a metal from rusting? Use some antioxidants"

"1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys."

"My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick I just get so tired of calling him David"

"Me: It'll just make mom grumpy, so don't tell her that the dishwa..... 4 year old: MOM! DISHWASHER'S BROKEN!"

"Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence."

"How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles"