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Joke of the Day

"I need new jokes to write in people's birthday cards. The one I've been using for years is getting pretty stale: ""Happy Bird Day!"" Then I draw a bird. Thanks /r/jokes!"

"2 Canadians are walking through the snow... The first one sees a boot in a nearby snowbank and says: ""Look, a boot"" The second one replies: ""About what?"""

"I wonder why call them backup vocals. Was there ever a time the lead fainted and the backup took over the mic and the show went on as usual?"

"I asked my priest if it might be a good idea to stop masturbating But he didn't take the hint"

"How do you fix the dishwasher? Smack her."

"There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are. You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world.... ...those who understand Binary, and those who don't."

"Landing a plane isn't hard. Taking off again though, that can be tricky."

"I got a joke... your life"

"Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis? Nobody in the government does their job."