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Joke of the Day

"One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists."

"Why did the toilet paper stop crossing the road? It got stuck in a crack."

"I hired a personal trainer and my first 2 hour-long sessions were just him teaching me how to properly cut the sleeves off my t-shirts"

"My thoughts are as pure as snow... after the trucks have driven hard and plowed through it."

"People who walk in front of the theater screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude."

"I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us."

"Called into work sick. My boss asked how sick I am... I said 'well I'm in bed with my sister'"

"What do you call of group of black people? A group, you fucking racist"

"What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake of course!"

"How was Rome cut in half? With a pair of Caesars."