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Joke of the Day

"If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it's because they've just killed someone right?"

"I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item?"

"I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar."

"I had a joke about eating girls out... but apparently it left a bad taste in too many people's mouths, so I had to delete it."

"Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks was so wrong. I taught mine how to play dead and she's been doing it for a year straight."

"I have a lot of road rage. FUCK ROADS!!!"

"Which Asians have the softest skin? Laotians"

"If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones."

"Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first few chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."

"My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he's attempting to get his hoodie back. He's in for one hell of a life lesson."