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Joke of the Day
"I love oral sex... it's the phone bill I hate."
Next Joke
"How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?"
"Top advice for resumes: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes. Ex. - First-hand job experience = good. First hand-job experience = bad."
"When my wife does our daughter's hair: ""How about a double French braid swirled into a fancy bun?"" When I do her hair: ""How about a hat?"""
"Eli5: how preventing users from submitting anything to subs helps anything."
"If you're walking on sunshine, please adjust your dosage accordingly."
"I think my eyes are playing tricks on me. *my eyes hide a whoopie cushion behind my skull*"
"Relationship status : Taken (for granted)"
"Dicksuckers Cramp Guy 1: ""You know what this face is?"" *Holds mouth open in an O* Guy 2: ""No, what?"" Guy 1: ""Dicksuckers Cramp, get it?"" Guy 2: ""Yeah"" Guy 1: ""How often?"""
"*ex-Olive Garden server shoveling dirt into a fresh grave* Tell me when."