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Joke of the Day

"If I ever fire someone who is a Taylor Swift fan I'll say ""I knew you were trouble when you clocked in."""

"THIS IS MY LOCKER ROOM TALK GUY: Hey, do you know if they supply towels here? ME: Please don't look at me, my shirt is off."

"Nuts Two peanuts walk into a bar, one of em was a salted!"

"What do you call the Scottish dentist ? Phil McCavity !"

"I try not to tweet about things I'm doing incase it gets taken out of context, but this cock is delicious!"

"Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham."

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can, and the wisdom to know it won't make a difference."

"Her: You ate that entire bag of fried cheese snacks? Him: Thought you said they were baked. Her: I said YOU were baked."

"What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!"

"When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard."