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Joke of the Day

"How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

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"I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon."
"What the worst part about pulling a hair clump from the drain of the apartment you just moved into? Waiting for it to dry so you can glue it to your sex doll"
"They say that every time you have sex it's the same amount of exercise as running 5 miles But I think that's bullshit because I've never run 5 miles in 30 seconds."
"How much longer until we can get pets that are also wifi hotspots?"
"What do you call the ghost who is a child-rearing expert? Dr Spook."
"Just asked a girl if she was from Gotham. She said, ""No, why?"" I said b/c you look like The Penguin."
"Two dinosaurs walk into a bar.. I couldn't believe it. (Got this from a comedy show)"
"The fun way to tell if a celebrity is crazy is by how many times they delete and reactivate their Twitter account."
"What's the best give you can give someone? A broken drum because you just can't beat it."