28485

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Polio and 9/11? The government actually wanted to stop Polio."

"I can't take movies seriously if the main characters aren't stopping to Instagram their meals and Tweet out the chase scenes."

"""I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you."" ""A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"" ""That's where I invite a bunch of your friends and if any of them come I'll be surprised!"""

"I hate it when my dates try to start conversations How on earth do you reply to ""mppphhhhh mmmmmhhhh phhhhhmmmm"""

"how do you get a dog to stop licking his balls?, pick it up and suck its dick."

"85% of the time I spend in a bathroom stall is spent waiting for the other person in the bathroom to leave."

"Why were the other fish calling the shark gay? He swallowed all of the seamen."

"Kenyan men are the best at long distance relationships."

"sorry to bodyshame, but ferrets have no business being that long"

"Did you hear the one about the shipwreck where only the limbless mute survived?"