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Joke of the Day

"Please take a moment to envision the movie ""Drive,"" but with him only using Zipcars."

"Spiders are lucky. They can shoot magic ropes out of their butt & zip-line whenever they want to."

"What do you call a Chinese man with one leg shorter than the other? Li Ning"

"just unrolled my burrito & now I'm having pizza"

"The ex wife once told me her greatest fantasy was kneeling in front of me while I spurted all over her. She never mentioned it was my blood."

"My wife and i lost 150 pounds combined! Shes much prettier without those other 149 weighing her down"

"If I had a dollar for every girl that turned me down... They wouldn't turn me down anymore."

"What did the fish scream when its tank cracked? ""Dam-it!"""

"UNICORN: I love the forest! I love my horn! Life is wonderf [Pegasus flies over chased by babes] UNICORN: God why have you forsaken me"

"Never Give Up! by Percy Vere"