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Joke of the Day

"Honey, I gained weight to prevent women from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you."

"Cut to Obama and Biden silently eating schwarma."

"IDEA: Ban fabric softener & harness the resulting static electricity to end dependence on foreign oil. You're welcome, Obama"

"Colorado changed the name of Christmas to Juana. ""Merry Juana!"""

"Why did the train go left? Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it."

"If my name was Rudolph Spermguzzler I would introduce myself like this: Hi, I'm Rudolph Spermguzzler, sorry if it's a bit of a mouthful."

"What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects? Is it about black people?"

"Two player prison game Prisoner One: Do you want to play the rape game? Prisoner Two: No! Prisoner One: That's the spirit!"

"Why are Asians not optimistic? Because they have a limited view of life."

"I had fruit and yogurt for breakfast. And 6 donuts for second-breakfast."