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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my coffee... ...hot and in my hands **right now**."

"I know why I study with the blinds closed. The reason awful, ghastly... I shutter to think"

"I like to stand in crowded elevators facing the wrong way with a confused look on my face, and finally exclaim, ""Oh, it's an ELEVATOR."""

"I've been out of work for a while but have just got a job at a factory making periscopes. Things are looking up."

"The Proclaimers walked 500 miles without a Fitbit?"

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered her today to place bets on how long this marriage will last because these idiots met 2 months ago."

"If you say ""Unique New York"" (5 times fast) is it easy or hard?"

"Don't play pocket hockey... the referee is a dick!"

"The sadomasochist was arrested and put in front of a judge he got off with a slap on the wrist"

"A pirate walks into a bar... The bartender says ""Hey do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says ""Arrr... It's driving me nuts!"""