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Joke of the Day

"Fall? More like fail [watches as the leaf from a tree gracefully falls to the ground in the beautiful cycle that is nature] loser tree lol"

"How do Indian chiefs send messages? By teepee-mail!"

"Skinny girls look good in tight clothes.. butt curvy girls look good naked"

"I'm all wet! ""Give it to me!"" she yelled, ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"Why do hamburgers feel sad at barbecues? They get to meet their old flames!"

"I got banned from B&Q in Glasgow today Some cunt came up to me in an orange apron and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in."

"They sure don't make time machines like they're going to!"

"My girlfriend left me when I refused to go the gym with her. It's a shame our relationship didn't work out."

"What goes ""quick, quick""? Duck in a hurry. (c) beatattitude 2014"

"What did the comedian say to the girl who looked like a virgin? ""You have untapped potential"""