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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck... Bar tender looks at him and says, ""I guess I'll let you hang out but you better not start anything."""

"How could 911 have been an outside job If the planes came from the inside?"

"Ted Cruz has aborted his campaign ..but I say he should be forced to carry it to full term"

"The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, ""What's water?"" so she wouldn't feel stupid."

"If iron man is a superhero what's iron woman? a command"

"FINISH THE SENTENCE!!! I woke up in a ditch and...."

"Just watched Die Hard 2. People in 1990 sure knew how to shrug off a plane crash."

"Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *moonwalks outta there*"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff"

"My dad was born with a conjoined twin He was the uncle on my dad's side. But don't worry, the doctors were able to separate them. Now he's my uncle once removed."