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Joke of the Day

"Let us not judge a man based on the color of his skin, but by which character he picks in Super Smash Bros."

"Why is life like a penis? Because Women make it hard!"

"If you want to know who is really man's best friend, Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you."

"Did you hear about the sexually promiscuous deaf person? Turns out he got hearing aids."

"""The only way I'd go to a Justin Bieber concert, is if it was a Jay-Z concert"" - my 9 yr old daughter"

"I think I might be famous because twitter just asked me to verify my account. Does this mean I have to do coke now?"

"You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish."

"I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand."

"What do you call the retarded guy that follows the band around? The Drummer"

"I hate when I find a show on TV that I like and I start to get into it and then I realize that it's my neighbor's window and he looks angry."