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Joke of the Day

"When's a door not a door? When it's slightly ajar."

"They say that kissing makes your day ... And anal sex makes your hole weak!"

"I was in my coworkers office, and he said ""Hey buddy... (VERSION 3.0) FUCK YOU LOL MADE U LOOK DUMBASS."

"The Wife just asked if she looked OK in her new pants.. She did... But I paused to long,,,,,,,,,,,,,Please send an ambulance..."

"Loneliness is when you get an e-mail but it's from the newsgroup server."

"Son: What are caterpillars afraid of? Me: It's unlikely that they experience fear. They're not self-aware, so... Son: [sadly] Dogerpillars."

"Today I forgot to comb my hair, but people thought I was nice. Then, nothing of consequence happened. So today was every Michael Cera movie."

"EMT: [opens my shirt revealing bread covering my nipples] You faked cardiac arrest for this? Me: Just say clear and make my grilled cheese."

"My girlfriend wanted me to include her more.. My girlfriend cuddled up to me and said ""I wish you would play with me like to do those video games"". So, I Dragon-punched her in the face."

"Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street? Me: I was only going one way..."