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Joke of the Day

"Today I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day."

"*suddenly pulls away from kissing* why aren't there any female Transformers?!?"

"I hope there's a scientist somewhere in the world right now working on a way for Coldplay to get more whoa-oh-ohs into a 3 minute pop song."

"Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert"

"Religion is like a penis It's OK to be proud of yours, just don't try to shove it down your children's throat."

"Women have a higher risk of getting pregnant than guys."

"I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae"

"Co-worker felt bad about throwing away a donation request from the Alzheimer's Association. I told him not to worry, they won't remember who they sent those to anyway."

"These days HD is so good, when you watch an NFL game you can see the murder evidence."

"Wanna here a funny joke? Women's rights."