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Joke of the Day

"[Me as a Realtor] BUYERS: this is a great house, what's the catch? ME: Well, it is a bit.. [cant think of the word haunted] ghost encrusted"

"Exec 1: We gotta improve our company image. E2: Hey, let's call customers at home. E1: At dinner, on Sunday. E2: But be pushy. E1: Perfect."

"me: *kicks a stone* mountain: my baby"

"What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline? A milkshake!"

"Did you hear about the terrorist comedian? He bombed on stage."

"Health food? Baby, my body is a '93 Honda hatchback with a headlight out. I'm not about to start putting premium gas in it now."

"What food greatly diminishes a women's sex drive? Wedding cake"

"Why did the bacteriologist quit her job? She hated being microbe-managed."

"Why did Darwin love CSS? Because children inherit properties from their parents."

"I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory! I only took a day off!"