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Joke of the Day

"I'm pretty sure God and Satan are both women, because who else would hold a grudge for that long?"

"A man woke up in a hospital. After a serious accident he shouted out, ""Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"" The doctor replied, I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

"This one time, I shot a defenseless black guy and got arrested.. For impersonating an officer of the law."

"What's the Russian word for Internet outage? Internjet"

"Oil is made from dinosaurs. Plastic is made from oil. Plastic dinosaurs are made from real dinosaurs."

"GOD: I designed this world with a purpose, why did u change everything PEOPLE: We [pug walks by] GOD: What...the HELL...is that"

"There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!"

"Why does a space rock taste better than an Earth rock? Because it's a little meteor."

"*gets to front of unemployment line* yes I'd like to be unemployed"

"SPOILER ALERT: I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency."