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Joke of the Day

"A man woke up in a hospital. After a serious accident he shouted out, ""Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"" The doctor replied, I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

"A mexican boy in english class... A mexican boy in english class passed a note to his friend. The teacher saw it, and screeched ""WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"" To which he replied, ""writing an ese"""

"France beat the Germans 2-0 but the terrorists have them at like 50-3"

"I feel sorry for kids today but mostly because their cartoons are terrible."

"What do you get if you cross a glow-worm with a python? A twenty-foot-long strip-light that can squeeze you to death."

"Why did the piece of gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken."

"All new Hell's Kitchen tonight. Going to get into the spirit by hanging out in the kitchen and scream at my wife while she cooks dinner."

"Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor ""Have you ever turned down heroin?"" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers."

"why do i wish my lawn was an emo ? SO it would cut itself"

"What's the difference between a yellow cab and a green cab in NYC? The green cabs haven't ripened yet."