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Joke of the Day

"The past, the present, and the future... The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar together. It was tense."

"I always keep a taser on me in case anyone asks if they can have one of my fries."

"Doctor Doctor you've taken out my tonsils my adenoids my gall bladder my varicose veins and my appendix but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you!"

"Drug Dealer: U have to tell me if ur a cop. Cop: U have to tell me if ur a dealer. DD: U sure? Cop: Ya Im a cop, I know laws Oh damn it."

"I own a lot of cleaning supplies for someone whose friends inscribed ""dust me"" on my coffee table recently."

"How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur? Ask it a question. If he answers it's a male; if she answers it's female."

"A narcissist, a misogynist, and a bigot walks into a bar... Bartender says, what'll it be Mr. President?"

"Why did the spreadsheets get divorced? They just couldn't sort things out."

"CUSTOMER: Can you make a pig shake? WAITER: Tell him the wolf is coming."

"How many pixies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."