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Joke of the Day

"What do I and Y2K have in common? Neither of us can get a date right ;_;"

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Where you left him."

"The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort."

"What do you call it when a gay couple has a heated argument and one of them stabs another with a knife? *a homocide.*"

"My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom."

"Sorry I haven't tweeted much. Kathy on facebook was keeping us updated on her menstrual cramps."

"What does a silver medalist and a pedophile have in common? They both come in just a little behind."

"I said to her: ""Two more inches and I'd be a king"" ""Two inches less and you'd be a queen"", she replied."

"The best thing about sharing a king sized bed with your spouse is that if you move far enough away it feels like you're completely alone."

"I'm trying to remember what that soup is called, the kind with chicken and rice.... Oh yeah! Chinken Noodle!"