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Joke of the Day

"When do ghosts play tricks on each other? On April Ghoul's Day"

"I was angry when my neighbors put a fence around their swimming pool but then I got over it"

"*Lowers raised hand. Where's the nearest cycle path you meant? Thought you said psychopath."

"Stupid people have it made. Nobody expects anything from them and when they do something right people act like they cured cancer."

"Your cough sounds much better this morning? It should. I've been practicing all night!"

"Your mama is so fat ... She broke the stairway to heaven."

"[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]"

"I was thinking of hosting a gathering of celebrities where we make harsh jokes about honoree JLO's backside. Think of it as a rump roast."

"HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON 1) Put a saddle on it 2) Get on 3) Oh god it's destroying the village with fire 4) WHY DIDN'T I GET A CAT INSTEAD?!"

"Am I the only one that sees the irony? In a Christian calling Scientology crazy?"