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Joke of the Day

"Never get drunk before you write your grocery list. You'll end up adding things like ""vegetables"" and ""someone who will marry me."""

"What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs? Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at christmas."

"If you read enough tweets you can tell the approximate time the tweeter switched from coffee to alcohol"

"If Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God... Did Mary have a little lamb?"

"I'm a man with a very specific set of skills. Woodworking, mostly. And so help me, God, I'm going to find you and build you a bench."

"There's a woman with a colostomy bag. Her boyfriend says he wants to fuck her in the pooper... Which hole does he use?"

"Why did the man drowning in the Nile River think he wasn't going to die? Because he was in de-nile."

"I don't like people call me fatty I like people call me to eat."

"What brand should suicidal people clearly avoid? Nike. Their motto says just ""Just do it""."

"Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend."