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Joke of the Day

"Daniel Day-Lewis walks into a bar. Bartender says, ""What'll it be?"" but he already knows because he's also Daniel-Day Lewis."

"People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them."

"My dentist said I have a very wet mouth. *Updates dating profile."

"""Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!"" ""LOL sir, that was a barber."" ""He was black."" ""We're sending a battleship."""

"TIFU by spraying water on a topless model Now all the seats are wet"

"What do you call a water bottle that objects? A rebuttle"

"Three men walk into a bar... ... the fourth one ducks. edit: grammar"

"I had a really good joke... but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime"

"The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work."

"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they never were in love or they still are."