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Joke of the Day

"Everybody thinks Australians are laid back until one of us is standing over you with a chainsaw asking you to pronounce Aluminium correctly."

"Dang girl are you the police on Grand Theft Auto, because 2 minutes after I leave you forget all about me & move on to someone else."

"My biggest problem with passive smoking is having to follow the smoker around."

"I broke my arm when I was a kid, my Dad carried me ten miles to the hospital, he has cancer, so that's why my tattoo is hot nurse. -LA Ink."

"I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he'd had He started counting, but fell asleep."

"Kids, don't do cocaine but if you do make sure you have a lot cuz you'll want it."

"You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes Literally"

"What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy? A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one."

"Why is Jar Jar Binks so lonely? He's been Wookie for love in Alderaan places."

"I went for a walk in a cemetery this morning and saw a man crouching behind a tombstone. I said ""morning"" He replied ""no, just taking a shit."""