71709

Joke of the Day

"I went to the club last night... They played The Twist, so I did the twist. They played Jump, so I jumped. They played Come On Eilien... and I got kicked out."

"my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera"

"Mars: I'm wet... NASA: I'm coming!"

"""Daddy, do you like princesses?"" ""Yes."" ""Why?"" ""Well usually they have a nice set of ti-"" Wife: ""Shut it."" ""I WILL NOT LIE TO MY SON."""

"How to comfort a homosexuals family if hes in a coma? You can always say ""well, look at it this way; he was a fruit, now hes a vegetable!"""

"Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth"

"I don't mean to denigrate women. (Ladies, ""denigrate"" means to put-down or patronize.)"

"Asked a tennis player about his views on Trumps 2nd Amendment gaffe ( joke ) and Omar Mateens father sitting right behind her in her rally 1. Trumps Comment: Foul 1. Hillary's: Unforced Error"

"Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than ""horsemeat""."

"My fake ID is so good, bars never suspect I'm not an organ donor."